Five Questions for Deciding if a Therapist (Including Me!) is Right for You
David B. Feldman, PhD
Whatever your reasons for seeking therapy, you deserve to find a therapist who fits you. Here are five questions to ask yourself when pondering whether a therapist (including me) is a good “fit” for you, along with some information about my practice:
1. What is the therapist’s approach?
Therapists have different approaches. Some are more active, while others take a more non-directive role. There isn’t one “right” way to do therapy; but it’s important to ask yourself whether the therapist’s approach fits your needs. As someone who draws primarily from the Cognitive-Behavior Therapy (CBT) tradition, my approach is goal-directed, active, and collaborative. In the first few sessions, I’ll spend most of the time listening, asking open and curious questions, and attempting to understand the problems that face you. Also during this time, I’ll help you articulate your goals for therapy, with the purpose of arriving at a set of objectives that we can work on together. After the first few sessions, however, I’ll begin to take a more active stance, often making suggestions for tools and techniques you may find helpful. But not all tools are for everyone. That’s where collaboration comes in. You are the final and most important authority on your therapy process. Although I’ll present options that have worked for others in the past, you’ll choose which ones you’d like to try. By putting our heads together in an atmosphere of open, nonjudgmental problem solving, we will attempt to find the best way forward for you.
2. Do you find the therapist trustworthy and likable?
It’s important that your therapist be someone you trust, respect, and even like. By necessity, therapy isn’t always easy. So, it’s essential that the person accompanying you on your therapy journey be someone you feel truly “gets” you. Therapists also should have good boundaries. Though your relationship with your therapist should feel genuine and, at times, deeply personal, therapy isn’t the same as a friendship. It’s a professional relationship with the express goal of helping you change your life for the better. If you decide to work with me, I will encourage you to take the first few sessions to ask yourself whether you feel I am a good “fit” for you and your problems. Not all human beings fit well with one another, and that’s okay. The important thing is for you to find a therapist who works for you at this point in your life.
3. Does the therapist have expertise working with issues like yours?
Just like medical doctors, therapists have areas of expertise. Like most therapists, I have skills in working with issues such as depression, anxiety, and stress, that are experienced by a large number of people. I also have specialized skills in working with people experiencing grief and loss, serious physical illness, and caregiver stress. In addition, I’m one of the principal developers of “Hope Therapy,” a wellness approach to help individuals contemplate, set, and pursue meaningful goals in their lives. So, I’m also open to working with you on more expansive issues of personal exploration and re-definition.
4. How available is the therapist?
Certain problems require more frequent therapy meetings than others, and some people may value a higher level of availability in their therapist than other people. Most of time, you'll meet with your therapist once a week for about an hour. In addition to this, some large clinics offer 24/7 hotlines and the availability of group therapy in addition to these weekly one-on-one meetings. Many therapists, however, work in smaller private practices where their ability to take spontaneous phone calls or set up extra meetings is more limited. I’m part of this latter group. As a full-time professor, I generally meet with clients by video, one day a week (usually Fridays). I also am limited on the number of clients I can see at any time. Nonetheless, I would value the opportunity to speak with you regarding whether I am a good fit for the issues in your life. You can contact me by phone at (650) 201-2074 or email me though my contact form. If I'm not immediately available by phone, please leave a message on my confidential voicemail and I will return your call as soon as possible.
5. Do you think the therapist has the potential to provide the help you’re looking for?
There is no “quick fix” for the problems most people face. Most of the time, therapists will recommend meeting once a week for at least a few months. Nonetheless, during the first two or three sessions, it's important to ask yourself whether you believe there is at least a potential that this therapist will be helpful to you. Although the information you’ve gathered in response to the previous four questions will be an important part of how you’ll make this determination, you’re also likely to have a strong “hunch.” Either way, there’s never an obligation to continue a therapy process that isn’t helpful. If you decide to work with me, I’ll ask you for frequent feedback about what’s working well in our meetings and what isn’t working so well. Our goal will be to do more and more of what works for you.
In conclusion, therapy is ultimately all about you. It’s about helping you on your personal journey toward and more satisfying, meaningful, and happy life. I hope that, by exploring these five questions, you’re able to find the right therapist for you.
David B. Feldman, PhD
Whatever your reasons for seeking therapy, you deserve to find a therapist who fits you. Here are five questions to ask yourself when pondering whether a therapist (including me) is a good “fit” for you, along with some information about my practice:
1. What is the therapist’s approach?
Therapists have different approaches. Some are more active, while others take a more non-directive role. There isn’t one “right” way to do therapy; but it’s important to ask yourself whether the therapist’s approach fits your needs. As someone who draws primarily from the Cognitive-Behavior Therapy (CBT) tradition, my approach is goal-directed, active, and collaborative. In the first few sessions, I’ll spend most of the time listening, asking open and curious questions, and attempting to understand the problems that face you. Also during this time, I’ll help you articulate your goals for therapy, with the purpose of arriving at a set of objectives that we can work on together. After the first few sessions, however, I’ll begin to take a more active stance, often making suggestions for tools and techniques you may find helpful. But not all tools are for everyone. That’s where collaboration comes in. You are the final and most important authority on your therapy process. Although I’ll present options that have worked for others in the past, you’ll choose which ones you’d like to try. By putting our heads together in an atmosphere of open, nonjudgmental problem solving, we will attempt to find the best way forward for you.
2. Do you find the therapist trustworthy and likable?
It’s important that your therapist be someone you trust, respect, and even like. By necessity, therapy isn’t always easy. So, it’s essential that the person accompanying you on your therapy journey be someone you feel truly “gets” you. Therapists also should have good boundaries. Though your relationship with your therapist should feel genuine and, at times, deeply personal, therapy isn’t the same as a friendship. It’s a professional relationship with the express goal of helping you change your life for the better. If you decide to work with me, I will encourage you to take the first few sessions to ask yourself whether you feel I am a good “fit” for you and your problems. Not all human beings fit well with one another, and that’s okay. The important thing is for you to find a therapist who works for you at this point in your life.
3. Does the therapist have expertise working with issues like yours?
Just like medical doctors, therapists have areas of expertise. Like most therapists, I have skills in working with issues such as depression, anxiety, and stress, that are experienced by a large number of people. I also have specialized skills in working with people experiencing grief and loss, serious physical illness, and caregiver stress. In addition, I’m one of the principal developers of “Hope Therapy,” a wellness approach to help individuals contemplate, set, and pursue meaningful goals in their lives. So, I’m also open to working with you on more expansive issues of personal exploration and re-definition.
4. How available is the therapist?
Certain problems require more frequent therapy meetings than others, and some people may value a higher level of availability in their therapist than other people. Most of time, you'll meet with your therapist once a week for about an hour. In addition to this, some large clinics offer 24/7 hotlines and the availability of group therapy in addition to these weekly one-on-one meetings. Many therapists, however, work in smaller private practices where their ability to take spontaneous phone calls or set up extra meetings is more limited. I’m part of this latter group. As a full-time professor, I generally meet with clients by video, one day a week (usually Fridays). I also am limited on the number of clients I can see at any time. Nonetheless, I would value the opportunity to speak with you regarding whether I am a good fit for the issues in your life. You can contact me by phone at (650) 201-2074 or email me though my contact form. If I'm not immediately available by phone, please leave a message on my confidential voicemail and I will return your call as soon as possible.
5. Do you think the therapist has the potential to provide the help you’re looking for?
There is no “quick fix” for the problems most people face. Most of the time, therapists will recommend meeting once a week for at least a few months. Nonetheless, during the first two or three sessions, it's important to ask yourself whether you believe there is at least a potential that this therapist will be helpful to you. Although the information you’ve gathered in response to the previous four questions will be an important part of how you’ll make this determination, you’re also likely to have a strong “hunch.” Either way, there’s never an obligation to continue a therapy process that isn’t helpful. If you decide to work with me, I’ll ask you for frequent feedback about what’s working well in our meetings and what isn’t working so well. Our goal will be to do more and more of what works for you.
In conclusion, therapy is ultimately all about you. It’s about helping you on your personal journey toward and more satisfying, meaningful, and happy life. I hope that, by exploring these five questions, you’re able to find the right therapist for you.
David B. Feldman © 2024